00:33:15 Devastator: 'Oh, you think so? You think it is "troublesome" that we might be trapped in a hentai adaptation of "A League of Their Own" for the rest of our lives?'
00:36:58 Piecewise: Being trapped in a hentai world is only bad if you're a woman
00:37:41 Devastator: Although in that case reality also consisted of like five rooms.
00:46:44 Piecewise: there are outside places too
00:46:49 Piecewise: but only like 1 street
00:46:55 Piecewise: And most people don't have faces
01:40:11 er has joined #einsteinianroulette
01:44:07 er: Just logging in so that I can be AFK while I'm asleep~
01:44:36 er: We'll see how long I sleep for.
01:50:09 Piecewise: And then
Er slept forever
02:17:29 syv has joined #einsteinianroulette
02:26:03 Devastator: that's not the right way to make grilly cheese.
02:30:45 Devastator: Have you read Prachett?
02:33:40 Piecewise: not all of it but a fair bit
02:33:43 Devastator: Which ones are best?
02:35:28 Devastator: I'm asking for an opinion.
02:35:31 Piecewise: But I recommend starting with the first, the color of magic
02:35:59 Piecewise: or "Colour" if you're drowning in spotted dick
02:36:10 Devastator: or fucking canadian.
02:37:35 Devastator: lets say you don't have time to read all thirty some. Same answer? Colour of magic?
02:52:00 er: Well, so far I haven't slept forever.
02:52:20 er: Might still happen, who knows.
02:54:06 er: Anyway, say you gain the ability of the player character of dark souls; kill things, absorb their souls, use them to level up. What things do you kill, and what stats do you level?
02:55:16 syv: Uh. Am I alone in this ability?
02:56:29 syv: Cows. I get a job in a slaughterhouse. I don't need to be the knocker, as long as I'm decently close I absorb the souls.
02:56:58 syv: Since my job doesn't actually require substantially more stats than I have, I level int and a bit of vit.
02:58:12 syv: A *ton* of cows die at very high rates in slaughterhouses, so unless humans are just many orders of magnitude more soul-heavy than cows, this is probably just the most efficient path.
02:58:58 syv: If humans *are* that much more valuable, I'm guessing it scales with rank, so... uh, I guess I'll go shoot Trump.
02:59:47 Devastator: eh, just work for mossad if you're gonna do assassinations.
02:59:56 er: Seems to scale more with danger level than size or rank, so go kill some geese or something~
03:00:13 syv: I think I'd have difficulty joining the mossad.
03:00:15 Devastator: well, if danger level is what's important, there's always hunting.
03:00:22 Devastator: they take non-jews.
03:00:26 syv: Also, no
ER. Wheel Skeletons, versus Pinwheel.
03:00:52 syv: I think I'd have difficulty joining the mossad regardless of my heritage.
03:01:23 Devastator: dunno, some all-around stats and you could prolly manage.
03:01:29 er: Nobody said the creator of the universe is a good judge of what's actually dangerous. :v
03:02:04 syv: Cows are pretty dangerous, I still think plan slaughterhouse is the most efficient.
03:02:15 Devastator: well, could work a factory trawler.
03:02:24 Devastator: You'd be closer to the cows.
03:02:56 er: Though, skels seem to drop a lot less than their toughness would warrant. Probably because they're not really alive.
03:03:19 syv: They're worse than most of the bosses.
03:03:22 er: You don't get to eat their whole life force, just a measly animating force.
03:04:46 er: They need less energy to be a threat because they're all light and dex-build.
03:06:01 er: Welcome to my Ted talk about the lore meaning behind how many souls each enemy drops in dark souls.
03:07:05 er: Like, skels and silver knights drop nice even amounts because they're lawful beings who were specifically engineered to use that much energy.
03:07:29 syv: Aren't silver knights just hollow undead?
03:07:38 er: Hollows drop wierd uneven numbers because they're broken down evolved creatures.
03:08:02 Piecewise: Silver knights are...something
03:08:08 Piecewise: Black knights are ghosts
03:08:45 Piecewise: they say silver knights chose to stay behind so they must be independent beings at least.
03:09:14 syv: That comic is kinda cute but pretty boring really.
03:09:36 er: Black knights aren't ghosts water you on
03:09:58 er: You don't need cursed weapons to hit em
03:09:59 syv: Nah, that... that lines up with my memory, though I can't recall why.
03:10:35 er: They're just demon slayer silvers who got a lil crispy
03:11:38 er: There's a hollow slayer sword in DS3 which you can use to figure out which enemies are hollow.
03:12:03 er: And aren't there black and silver knights in that game too?
03:12:33 syv: Apparently they take bonus damage from occult in DaS.
03:13:43 er: I always figured they were uncorrupted and also not really human.
03:14:42 er: They appear to have existed during the war with the dragons, which was before humans were really a thing?
03:15:29 er: So like, they're constructs, same as skeletons.
03:15:30 syv: Blacks do, I don't believe silvers do.
03:16:46 syv: Nah, seems like both colors get hit harder by occult. Which does kinda point toward them being something special.
03:17:52 er: I mean, you never see a face behind that helmet, do you?
03:18:01 Piecewise: "The knights followed Lord Gwyn when he departed to link the Fire but they were burned to ashes in the newly kindled flame, wandering the world as disembodied spirits ever after."
03:18:05 Piecewise: Eat the whole ass,
er
03:18:49 syv: You never see a face behind that helmet, do you?
03:18:51 Piecewise: you see them on the way to the kiln
03:19:11 Piecewise: you're smacking the armor, not the knight
03:19:24 syv: To be fair, those could be *other* knights, and they use the same model.
03:19:49 syv: By then you've permakilled plenty of black knights, nothing to say those aren't just the permadead ones' ghosts.
03:20:02 syv: But... yeah, they aren't undead, they're something weird.
03:20:54 syv: Though I guess the silvers can't be undead either, since having undead guard the halls against undead would be a bit... bad. Maybe they're just tiny giants, like Ciaran.
03:22:56 Piecewise: I dunno if Ciaran is a giant
03:23:03 Piecewise: she might be god race?
03:23:15 Piecewise: I think they actually mention her being cyclopean or something
03:23:18 er: Doesn't the cutscene show silver knights tossing lightning spears? Why don't they do that in game?
03:24:26 syv: Giant, god race, basically the same thing really.
03:24:32 Piecewise: "Mask of the Lord's Blade Ciaran, one of Gwyn's Four Knights. The cyclops headpiece is common to all of the Lord's Blades, but Ciaran was determined to earn this soft porcelain mask as a unique decoration of honor. The mask is lined with ivory locks of hair."
03:24:36 syv: Though she isn't vulnerable to occult, so...
03:25:17 syv: The cyclops thing looks more like a symbol than an actual viewport for a cyclops.
03:25:25 er: She's a player model, right?
03:25:36 syv: The helmet even has eyeslits.
03:26:56 er: No playermodel characters have occult or holy weaknesses to my knowledge, so maybe they just didn't bother adding it specifically for her.
03:27:20 syv: Yeah, fair, but maybe she just wasn't supposed to.
03:28:47 syv: I really quite like her chestpiece.
03:29:53 Piecewise: Unnamed third race to explain human sized, human looking, but not human characters
03:29:57 Piecewise: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhut up
03:30:26 er: Is there a reason she's not human?
03:31:37 syv: Are you asking why we're saying she's not human?
03:31:47 syv: Because it's in her dialogue, if so.
03:33:06 Piecewise: She talks about humans as though she isn't one
03:33:14 Piecewise: though she might just be a dick
03:33:52 syv: Maybe giants just vary massively in size.
03:34:28 er: And do we know what Artorias and Ornstein are?
03:34:29 syv: Was there ever actually anything which confirmed gywnevere's size? Or did Gwyndolin just decide to make his sister massive because ????
03:34:47 Devastator: I know that part's true.
03:35:31 er: Berenike knights are huge, and also hollows.
03:36:46 syv: Fuck it, enemies are all kinds of crazy sizes in soulsborne games.
03:37:15 Piecewise: Well, considering the size of the other gods, I'd think he just made Gywnevere big for the sake of awe
03:38:14 Devastator: a hotly contested title, that.
03:39:44 er: So like, Artorias was corrupted by the abyss, we see a lot of humans also corrupted by the abyss, making them too human, I think it makes sense if Artorias is a human.
03:40:16 syv: Also I'd really debate that "too human" argument.
03:41:08 er: It says their humanity went wild or something.
03:41:48 syv: Yes, but that doesn't mean they've got too much humanity, it meant their humanity went fucky.
03:42:09 er: Due to something done by manus, the first human, who attacks with huge swarms of humanity from his soul, and looks like a giant mutated monster.
03:42:51 er: And there are enemies down in the abyss who are just masses of solid humanity.
03:43:14 syv: "The head of an Oolacile resident whose humanity went wild after being devoured by the Dark of Manus, Father of the Abyss. The bloated head is fissured, the cracks lined with innumerable tiny red eyeballs with a hard outside and mucous-filled inside, no sane person could ever wear it."
03:43:38 syv: A) The whole bit about their humanity going wild actually says it was *devoured*.
03:44:22 syv: Though hell, that one might just be translation error.
03:44:37 syv: Might be meant to mean they were corrupted by his dark, or something.
03:45:37 er: I dunno man, seems like a clear case of "too little dark soul makes you fucky, too much dark soul makes you fucky too, just enough dark soul just makes you a normal asshole like the rest of the humans"
03:46:03 Piecewise: What humans are is kinda...hard to say
03:46:08 Piecewise: especially with ds3 lore
03:46:42 er: Also hard to say: what things that aren't humans are. Also everything else.
03:47:49 Devastator: Ahh, look around you.
03:47:55 Devastator: all the truth that you could ever want.
03:49:23 Piecewise: More truth than you can handle
03:51:12 er: What are the gods but people who aren't humans but they look basically humans but they're not because humans are a specific thing in this universe that isn't just people who look humanish but also the specific thing that humans are is not explained
03:52:36 syv: In case youwanted the lore to make less sense.
03:52:51 er: Priscilla is half dragon and half something else that's probably not human but she looks basically like a human.
03:53:33 er: Half dragon, half god. The ultimate OC
03:53:52 syv: Quelaag's human bits look pretty damn human, but she's also directly a god.
03:54:17 syv: Maybe everyone is god race, but humans are just the gods with bits of the human soul jammed into them.
03:54:44 syv: In fact I think that's very directly the answer. :P
03:55:03 er: But then, calling the humanoid body "god" is a bit silly.
03:55:10 Piecewise: Humans are something different because DS3 basically says that the gods cursed humans to contain their abyssal power
03:55:42 syv: Sure, whatever, but abyssal power is literally humanity.
03:55:55 Piecewise: The ringed knight stuff specifically talks about it
03:56:06 Devastator: what does that mean?
03:56:07 syv: And humanity was just the fourth lord soul found in the first flame.
03:56:15 Devastator: 'gods cursed humans to contain their abyssal power.'
03:56:19 Piecewise: Malformed black armor of the Ringed Knights. The armor of early men was forged in the Abyss, and betrays a smidgen of life.
03:56:20 Piecewise: For this reason the gods cast a seal of fire upon such armor, and those who possessed them.
03:56:24 er: But humanity is the lordsoul of dark, right?
03:56:52 syv: Oh god, does DaS 3 intermix both the DaS 1 and DaS 2 definitions of the abyss?
03:58:17 Piecewise: Basically, what it seems is that Gods are "Humans" aligned with fire and light while "Humans" are beings either from the abyss and dark or aligned with it, or something
03:58:38 Piecewise: The difference between "God" and "Human" seems to be that disparity
03:59:09 Piecewise: Hence why the gods wanted to rekindle the flame and restrain man
03:59:28 er: So first there were trees and dragons, rad. Then fire happened and a buncha shit went down all at once, and humanoid bodies we just had laying around for some reason started moving and stole the lord souls which made them gods.
03:59:52 syv: Yeah. Humanity is the dark soul, and "people" existed before the lord souls--the dark soul among them--were found, so humans were created once some person found the dark soul and started spreading it around.
04:00:43 er: But one of those lordsouls was really good at splitting up, and gave a whole bunch of people just a little god power?
04:01:04 Piecewise: I guess you could look at it like this: You got a "Gray" progenitor race before the souls. SOme of them found the lord souls and their followers or descendants became the gods, and the followers or descendants of the pygmy became humanity
04:01:45 er: So where the fuck did the progenators come from
04:01:48 Piecewise: though honestly the time before fire is very vague at best
04:01:52 syv: Not sure on that, either. You get a lord soul from the bed of chaos, it's not bequeathed or anything, it's the OG lord soul.
04:01:57 Piecewise: dragons apparently just always were there
04:02:04 Devastator: any leftover grays?
04:02:11 er: It's just "and then they came" and suddenly people
04:02:16 syv: But to do that you don't strictly need to kill Quelaana, the fair lady, or that other sister outside the boss fog/
04:02:55 Piecewise: You could say they count as gods because they're her daughters
04:03:05 syv: So you get the soul, or at least the vast majority of it, despite there being a bunch of sisters directly descended from that soul's holder, who all look human.
04:03:38 er: Maybe the witch didn't do any soul bequeathing, and her children are just what the greys look like.
04:03:54 Piecewise: called gods because of their mother
04:04:08 Piecewise: but not actually any different from people, just lacking humanity
04:04:27 Piecewise: And then there are demons....
04:04:33 er: Fair lady likes to nom humanity though.
04:04:37 syv: Then there's other legit gods who don't have lord souls, though. Like, wasn't there a thing about Gwynevere eloping with some flame god?
04:04:39 Piecewise: which is a whole new can of worms
04:04:58 Piecewise: Flann I think his name is
04:05:26 er: Velka seems like a whole different sort of god from Gwyn's family.
04:05:43 syv: And Velka, that was the other one I was trying to think of.
04:05:46 Piecewise: And remember there's "All Father Lloyd"
04:05:52 er: More mythological, not a physical presence.
04:06:03 syv: Velka seems to have legit power, but doesn't have a lord soul.
04:06:28 Piecewise: I think there are deep lore theories about how she is actually behind it all
04:06:30 syv: I always figured Allfather was just your generic fake faux-christian god.
04:06:48 Piecewise: He's mentioned to be Gywn's uncle
04:06:57 syv: Either that or just some weird po---oh, welp, there you go.
04:07:45 Piecewise: he hated the undead something fierce
04:08:20 Piecewise: Dark souls is one of the most interesting zombie stories, I must say
04:08:42 Piecewise: I'm gonna build an asylum to keep the undead in, and they're gonna pay for it!
04:08:47 er: But yeah like, Velka's a legit god while the others are just power-crazed grays with giant souls. :p
04:09:20 Piecewise: We never knew where giants came from either
04:09:26 syv: Gray people get these magic super power souls, one of them splits their soul and hands it out to a bunch of weirdos, and you've got the main dude's uncle shouting that all those newage hippies who split their soul up are just the *worst*.
04:09:28 Piecewise: there's also the idea that you get bigger with more souls
04:09:59 Piecewise: Its all a metaphor for the conflict between capitalism and communism
04:10:02 syv: And when they start going crazy, he's first to lead the lynches.
04:10:24 syv: If you get bigger with more souls, why is Gwyn so small?
04:10:49 Piecewise: I mean, admittedly, he did give almost all of it away and then burn for who knows how long
04:10:53 syv: There's lots of things bigger than him, he's barely bigger than the black knights.
04:11:19 Piecewise: Soul of Gywn, Lord of Sunlight and Cinder, who linked the First Flame.
04:11:19 Piecewise: Lord Gywn bequeathed most of his power to the Gods, and burned as a cinder for the First Flame, but even so, Lord Gywn's soul is a powerful thing indeed.
04:12:07 Piecewise: It would have been neat to have a "in his prime" time travel fight vs him
04:12:11 er: Then why don't we grow fatter by leveling up? :p
04:12:18 Piecewise: then again, maybe thats just nameless king
04:12:34 syv: Same reason Wander is a stick even at the end of the game.
04:13:09 Piecewise: 99 str, look like underfed Chinese orphan.
04:13:27 Piecewise: Thats one thing Fable actually did do
04:13:33 Piecewise: have you get buffer as you gained strength
04:13:42 syv: You could mod it into DaS. Use the chibi mod, start skeletal, get swoler as you level up.
04:13:50 er: By the end of the game, we don't even need shortcuts, just stomp over everything.
04:13:53 syv: I think the gungame mod actually kinda does that.
04:14:29 syv: Your char also got hilariously tall if you maxed skill/ranged combat, which was amusing.
04:17:37 er: Welp, so I guess we're all in agreement?
04:18:05 Piecewise: We could talk about hollow knight lore
04:18:08 Piecewise: thats pretty interesting
04:18:12 Piecewise: Rain world lore is too
04:18:26 Piecewise: We actually see Velka in statue form in ds3
04:18:45 er: By which I mean that I have played it, but I don't own it.
04:19:17 Piecewise: There's an idea that Velka is actually behind everything in ds1
04:19:44 Piecewise: the crow was hers, used to get you to lordran so you could punish the gods for their hubris
04:19:45 er: Of course, she's the one actual god.
04:20:38 er: Also, giant fuckoff crow which literally picks you up and takes you exactly where you need to go, not very subtle, Velka!
04:23:05 Piecewise: Crow women in the painted world
04:23:21 Piecewise: Very sexy I mean...nah fine
04:23:44 syv: Also that crow is invulnerable.
04:24:06 syv: One that talks appears in 2.
04:24:24 syv: Also, not best waifu, she's flat chested.
04:24:56 syv: Efen fucking *Gwyndolin* is bustier.
04:26:56 er: Also, we must consider things other than boobs when selecting best waifu.
04:27:16 er: Such as, for example, thicc thighs.
04:29:37 er: Well yeah, it's a crow monstrosity.
04:29:55 syv: Tits are definitely the most important metric, anyway.
04:30:25 syv: And hey, you want thighs? She's got more of those than anyone else.
04:32:38 er: Secretly though, I think Reah is best.
04:33:23 er: Just a tiny girl who can teach you a spell which does ten billion damage if you invest in a mostly useless stat.
04:34:03 Piecewise: Too bad she's pretty useless
04:34:24 Piecewise: Where's the fugging wrath of gods when your white knights went nutso?
04:34:49 er: She doesn't use it when you aggro her.
04:35:02 Piecewise: maybe her faith is too low
04:35:05 syv: If she's best girl, why do you not know how to spell her name?
04:35:15 Piecewise:
Sy with the mad burns
04:35:37 er: Because I can't spell in general
04:38:52 Piecewise: I like hollow knight
04:39:00 Piecewise: all the lore of ds but everyone is a cute bug!
04:40:29 er: Hey
syv, how far are you into Unsounded?
04:44:01 er: I want to throw a fish at you.
04:45:08 syv: There's a na'vi on the page, as wel as Uaid's ass.
04:45:53 syv: Shush
Dev, nobody cares about your lazy complaining.
04:47:52 er: Minnow is pretty good, though I think you'll only meet her properly in ch13
04:52:56 er: Oh, but next page opens to some contextless bloodshed! ;P
05:05:31 er: Mm, and we get to meet Roger. Yup, good chapter this!
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